I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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