Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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