He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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