do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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