Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
