Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
