we have pet lesbian snakes
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
