i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Randomize
