Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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