can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
