she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
