you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She even gives head with a lisp.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
