Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
