When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
