bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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