Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i think my cat just said my name.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
