we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
