We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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