oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
