All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
