This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
