I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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