I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
