Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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