I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
