u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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