I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I love having hate sex.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
