Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
