Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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