It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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