I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
