question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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