i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
