who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
