Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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