Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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