it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
