I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
