Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
