Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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