yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
