There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Shame - the story of my life.
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