Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
