It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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