did you get engaged???
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
