I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
