at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
there is glitter all over my balls
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