I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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