I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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