maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
