I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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