That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
